Average to being the best- Rewiring my subconscious.

I’ve always believed that I’m an average person; average at sports, average at studies, average at other extra-curricular activities. At best, above average. The same belief continues at work as well- above average achiever who is important for the team, but never the most favoured or chosen one; never considered the best. Obviously, it is my belief, and that reflects in my life as well.

I’ve wondered where the belief came from for it to be so deeply ingrained in me. The most common suspect was what I’d been told as a child. My mother used to say- ‘my children are all average students. Just because they are average students, does make them any lesser’. She was a great mom that way, in not being the typical ‘why did you not get 95’ kinds. The intention was good. The problem was that it was factually incorrect. I was not an average student. I was a great student, who at that point was scoring average marks, but could definitely top the class with a little more effort. However, as a child, because I had heard it multiple times, it looks like I identified with being an average student and that reflected everywhere.

I was on a holiday when I had to schedule a work trip. I had to travel the immediate next day after I came back from my holiday in a different city. I planned my work trip during the second day of my holiday; booking my flight tickets, hotel, and so on. My wife noticed that I was looking slightly low at dinner and asked me what the matter was; was it my work stress? The stress of the upcoming trip? My wife knew me very well. I said, ‘no I’m fine’ and smiled widely trying to prove a point. And then some outstanding food arrived at the table and it truly did boost my spirits. Of course, it eventually had it come to the forefront.

The 24 hours between us coming back from the holiday and me travelling for work was horrible. I was low and irritable. My wife blew her top by the end of the day, from pulling all the weight, as I sulked away all day. She knew I was going away for 3 days, so she did not want me to leave that way. I apologised and she said it was OK. We brushed the problem aside, said the customary ‘I love you’s, and I left for the airport.

As I sat in the airport, I was wondering why I was so low on confidence. I looked up the book ‘What you think of me is none of my business’ by Terry-Cole Whitaker, and skimmed through the table of contents. I’d already read the book before, but every now and then I tend to go back and re-read some chapters, depending on what I’m going through. I picked out the chapter ‘others are not your source’.

I knew what the trigger was, for the low I was experiencing. It was something to with changes at work, but the actual event isn’t important. I’ve felt low in the past for different reasons and there will be reasons in future for me to feel low. Hence, the trigger is not important enough to talk about here. However, I knew I had to do something to change at a subconscious level. The chapter was perfect. I was reminded about affirmations in the chapter.

I wrote down an affirmation which best suited what I wanted to get out of it- ‘I, <name>, am a self-reliant, confident, and fearless person. I am good enough to be the best’. As I boarded my flight and settled down in my seat, I kept repeating my affirmation. Two changes automatically came up from my inner self- the order of the words- ‘confident’ and then everything else, and second, the word ‘secure’ came up and I replaced self-reliant with it.

So, my final affirmation is – ‘I, <name>, am a confident, fearless, and secure person. I am good enough to the best’. I intend to repeat this as many times as required to rewire my subconscious.