I started writing my blog series almost a month ago. However, I started writing poetry several months earlier. I’m not sure if I should call them poems or just short-form writing; I don’t have a lot of exposure to poetry. The first two poems I wrote were in my mother tongue (Tamil), and I have no explanation for why I felt like writing or what message the poems conveyed. It did not feel like I was writing. I’ll write a separate post about that; I am yet to understand the connection between my subconscious and my mother tongue. It is even more weird because I’m not an expert when it comes to reading or writing in my mother tongue. I of course speak well, but writing in Tamil requires use of words that are more purist than collocial. More on that later.
I also wrote in English. It was slightly different from what I wrote in Tamil. When something is running in my mind, and I feel a strong urge to express it, I automatically write short form. It helps me clearly convey what’s on my mind. Sometimes I feel foolish when I read what I’ve written at a later date, but it does not take away the fact that whatever I wrote purely reflected the state of my mind at that moment.
I wanted to list three of them here.
Love and Responsibilities
Sometimes it is OK to want to run away from responsibilities.
Sometimes it is OK to actually run away from responsibilities.
Sometimes it is OK to want to fulfil your responsibilities.
Sometimes it is OK to actually fulfil your responsibilities.
Sometimes it OK to feel obliged to fulfil your responsibilities.
Sometimes it is OK to feel like those are not your responsibilities.
Sometimes it is OK to feel why those are only YOUR responsibilities.
Sometimes it is OK to hate the word responsibilities.
Sometimes it is OK to replace the word responsibilities with love.
And when you do out of love, they no longer feel like responsibilities.
And where there is no love, it is always OK to not feel any responsibility.
Why low?
Why are we low on some days and upbeat on other days?
Understanding the flow of emotions seems like we are navigating a maze.
Is it because we see ourselves through the society’s filter?
And in the quest for power and money, we run helter-skelter.
Are our emotions like seasons?
Like seasons that change without a reason?
Hot and sunny, to pleasant and windy, to dull and gloomy.
The changes sometimes make me think the world is loony.
As I see new leaves sprouting in the bald branches,
I realize only change brings new chances.
New chances that help us experience a gamut of emotions.
As long as we don’t think of them as demotions.
Old leaves die and new leaves sprout in our minds.
When we surrender and stop doubting whether the universe is kind.
As new changes bring in new emotions and new opportunities.
The nitty gritties of life feel like mere formalities.
When we finally sign out of the rate-race and reject the society-defined role.
Before we realize, we are closer to the universal soul.
Go-getter
Why am I not the go-getter that I want to be?
Why am I not as passionate about my job as I want to be?
Why does it hurt so much to see someone else live the dream I want to live?; Do I lack something that other people have?
I believe that I can be whatever I want to be; I also believe I can’t be what I want to be, given where I am today.
If time is a superficial thing, and if at any moment, the now includes both the future and the past; why can I not be what I want to be, now?
I believe I can be, and I also believe I can’t be; how can this be?
And I realize, my rational self tells me that I can be, but my emotional self believes I can’t be.
How many ever books I read, it will only strengthen my rational self, and so will it strengthen the conflict with my emotional self.
How do I solve this? How do I work on my emotional self, I wonder.
And I realize the only way is for me to understand that the rational self or the emotional self is not my self; my self is beyond all these conflicts.
And I wonder, how can I be rooted in my actual self?
And my rational self tells me, of course you can. You can be whatever you want to be. And I can almost hear my emotional self’s cynical laugh.
And the game continues.
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I believe writing is a way for me to express my inner self (I wrote about it in this post if you are interested). I’m going to continue to write both long form and short form. Let’s see how it goes. Thanks for reading!